The official Nevada state motto is “All for Our Country” and the state also has a variety of official and unofficial state slogans and nicknames, including “Battle Born,” “The Silver State,” “Home Means Nevada” (license plate slogan), “Wide Open” and “Nevada: Come Happy, Leave Broke.” While all of those appeal in some way to humans, which one would be best for convincing extraterrestrials to visit (or revisit?) Nevada? Or should it try a new one designed specifically for space aliens? Battle Born But We’ll Cease Fire While You’re Here? The Silver Parts for Your Spaceship State? ET Phoned Home and Nevada Answered? Come Happy, Leave Us Alone?
As part of a program to help the government find them, Travelnevada.com, a website managed by the Nevada Commission on Tourism, has published a travel itinerary it believes will appeal to ETs. As one might expect, it hits the hot spots of UFO and alien activity that appeal to humans as well, so the visitors should be ready to interact with them, especially if they decide to stay at a Bed (or whatever it is they sleep on) & Breakfast (or whatever it is they eat).
The guide begins the recommended trip in Las Vegas, which may be a mistake if the ETs lose all of their money on the first day and have nothing left for souvenirs. Then again, if they’re smart enough to get here, they’ve probably figured out how to beat the Vegas machines and will simply make enough to pay for the trip before moving on to …
Valley of Fire State Park, a red sandstone used to shoot scenes from “Star Trek: Generations.” Then it’s on to the Extraterrestrial Highway (no speeding on Nevada State Route 375 – being an actual ET won’t sway the trooper) and a stop at the Alien Research Center (no giggling) before heading to the place everyone visiting the area stops at …
The nearest rest stop with a bathroom, unless of course ETs have solved that problem. Then it’s time for Area 51 which, like the Extraterrestrial Highway, does not offer special privileges to ETs in human transportation vehicles. There’s probably not much there an ET hasn’t seen already, so the guide recommends eating at the famous Little A’Le’Inn restaurant (ignore the pun – it’s a human thing) and bedding down (powering down?) for the night at the Victorian-era (as if that means anything to ETs) Mizpah Hotel. With the money they saved using their intergalactic ID card for a 20 percent discount, they have extra cash to spend at …
The Tonopah Historic Mining Park (no free silver samples), the Central Nevada Museum and the Tonopah Brewing Co. for beer and barbecue that is out of this world – then again, that could be said of everything they’ve ingested on Earth. At that point, it’s time for the highlight of the tour … a trip to the hometown of …
No, not William Shatner … Art Bell! Art put Pahrump, Nevada, on the terrestrial map and it’s probably on the celestial ones as well. A few more souvenir stops and then it’s back to Las Vegas, where they can get rid of the rest of their useless-at-home Earth money at a casino or a strip club … the robot strippers from the 2018 Consumer Electronics Show may still be in town. Remember to ask for a discreet receipt, perhaps from the Nevada Robo-Research Facility, for the expense report.
Does that sound like a great trip for extraterrestrials? Probably not, but it’s definitely a good one for humans. Just make Vegas the LAST stop and dress nice in case any ETs want you in their selfies.
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