TIN foil hat? Check.
You're ready to face the first big conspiracy theory of 2012.
Just last week, citizens in the Malaysian city of Kota Samarahan reported they were kept awake two nights running because the sky was ... snoring?
“It was around 2am when I was awoken by a strange sound," teacher Mohd Ferdauz Jemain told The Borneo Post.
"It was a loud hushing sound, and quite similar to someone snoring.
“I immediately got out of bed and went outside of my house to see what was happening. The feeling was a chilling one … it was as if something coming from the sky."
Ferdauz and many more residents reported the "loud snorings" on January 11 and 12.
On the same dates, the sounds were also heard in Hungary and Canada.
The Malaysian Science, Technology and Innovation Ministry is having none of it, collecting evidence and prepping a report to fire off asap to the National Space Agency.
"This incident is no laughing matter," deputy science, technology and innovation minister Datuk Fadillah YusufWe told The Star/Asia News Network.
"We hope those who have audio or video recordings of the noises can come forward so we can investigate."
And it's not only sounds - Ferdauz claimed the clouds in the sky at that time were "in straight lines, and well-formed".
The next day, a 7.3-magnitude earthquake hit Sumatra in neighbouring Indonesia.
During the following week, the noise was also heard in Norway and the UK. The (London) Daily Telegraph even sent a crack squad of investigators out to investigate.
What does it all mean?
Snoring skies, straight clouds, earthquakes. Ten days later, no one's any closer to solving the mystery.
So now it's been established that it's impossible to come up with an explanation, there's only one explanation.
Back in 2007, the US completed work on a $250 million research station in Alaska known as the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program - HAARP.
Basically, HAARP is 13ha of high-power transmitters - about 180 in all - built in collaboration with the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.
Its aim is to "excite the ionosphere" - make of that what you will.
But HAARP has another very important function, and that is to keep X-Files fans absolutely certain that the US is messing with everyone's heads.
Because DARPA's involved and nobody really believes any scientific explanation of what it's for, it's been blamed for everything from the Columbine massacre to the downing of TWU 800 to the Japanese tsunami.
Now, in 2012, HAARP is back in vogue.
Because weird things seem to be happening with increasing frequency as we approach the End of Days, it's become the go-to whipping boy for just about every unexplained phenomena that's hit the Earth, including a couple of thousand dead birds and the Russian Phobos-Grunt satellite.
And now, snoring skies and earthquakes.
Of course, there's another explanation. Back in September, an anonymous poster calling himself "Jay Man" set up this website - http://strangesoundsinthesky.com/. The timing of Jay Man's launch has those bored by the HAARP theory thinking he might be the culprit.
Whatever you believe, if you hear the sky snoring - or even if you're generally just worried about this kind of meddling - there's some very comprehensive solutions out there regarding how to sleep easy.
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