10 Demonic Possessions We’d Like To See

Look, nobody likes what a demonic possession does to the complexion or the upholstery. But if you're in for one, there are a lot of options, some of which are pretty entertaining. Check out the best demons to get possessed by, and what you can expect for each.

10. Paimon

This is the demon for all of the fans of bishounen manga characters. He is supposedly a demon with a male body and a beautiful, effeminate face. In some cases he's supposed to have a woman's face. Dress up in cosplay robes, fire up some classic manga DVDs, and have a fun evening. It doesn't have to all be superficial. He can teach you a thing or two. He's supposed to know all the secrets of heaven and earth. More importantly, he has to answer all questions truthfully, including, "What does it take to get you out of here?" This is the guy to go to for a simple and pleasant demonic possession when you have a schedule to keep.

9. Agares

Here's a useful one. Agares is supposed to have power over all who run from him. He can make people running away stand still, and he can bring back previous runaways. He's supposed to be a teacher of languages, especially filthy words and phrases in those languages, so it makes sense that he can retrieve the lost. Who wouldn't go to him if they were offered a way to curse in ancient Babylonian? You probably want to go to the bathroom before you try to exorcise him, though, since you can't count on him letting you duck away to take care of business once the process has begun.

8. Valac

This guy should be re-named The Herpetologist's Friend. He reveals where serpents are, gets them, and delivers them safely to his master. Honestly, I'm surprised more conservation societies aren't trying to raise Valac on their own. And wouldn't short possession by Valac have saved everyone a lot of trouble when that cobra escaped from the zoo in New York?

7. Prince Sitri

This demon is supposedly a prince of hell. (I really don't know how you earn or inherit that title. I'm sure it's unpleasant. Even stranger, hell is also supposed to have a president. It seems very disorganized down there.) He causes men to fall in love with women, women to fall in love with men, both sexes to randomly strip off their clothes when needed, and then he blabs the deepest darkest secrets of people publicly for fun. There is absolutely no way that this guy's possession of some studio head somewhere didn't kick start the reality tv trend. That may be even more horrific than spewing pea soup at the wall, at least for some, but damn it was lucrative.

6. Kokabiel

This is the possession for those who play the odds and play them smart. Kokabiel, in some myths, is a fallen angel who teamed up with Lucifer and fought against God. Those legends hold that now he is cursed and a demon. In other mythologies, Kokabiel is still an angel, specifically the 'angel of the stars.' How often, in cases of possession, do you get a fifty-fifty shot at actually being possessed by an angel? This is clearly the guy to get possessed by if you want to maximize your chances of making it through all of this okay.

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5. An Incubus or Succubus

Okay. We all know why people might consider getting possessed by these demons, right? Moving on.

4. Forneus

Sometimes you don't want to sit around in your bedroom being possessed all day. You want to get out into the sunshine. (And having to awkwardly compliment a person's home decor while sipping tea on a lumpy couch can't be that much fun for an exorcist, either. They'd probably appreciate some time outdoors.) This is why a possession by Forneus would be such a nice change. Forneus, a great ruler in Hell, is depicted as sea monster, and love oceans and bodies of salt water. He also makes people 'loved by their peers,' so a possession by Forneus could literally just be a really good day at the beach that ends with a combination party and exorcism.

3. Belphegor

This demon is not just a minor imp but the actual incarnation of the vice of sloth. His primary mode of tempting people is with 'laziness' and 'idleness,' causing them to neglect their work and their family. What I'm saying is, if you have an internet connection, a Netflix queue, and an XBox, you may never even know he's there. What's more, Belphegor can summon riches without any real effort on his part. This is not a trial of the soul. This is a paid vacation. This is the no-muss, no-fuss possession every lazy slob dreams of. Don't even bother contacting a priest. Throw out your alarm clock and enjoy the ride.

2. Orobas

Orobas just seems like a good guy. According to legend he knows the past, present, and future, gives answers readily, and never lies. He never allows another demon to tempt him away from doing what is right. He helps his favored people out, conferring honors and rank on them. He also helps out the person's friends, promoting them and making them popular. Honestly, I think there was some kind of mix-up here. This may be one of the few times that demonic possession could count as community service, because this guy doesn't belong in hell. So seriously consider a possession by Orobas - help the guy out and let him help you.

1. Ukobach

This demon is in charge of two things: fireworks and fried foods. Okay, yes, he's also the guy in hell who keeps the furnaces going by feeding them the blood of the damned as oil, but other than that, he's practically America's national demon. They should raise him every Fourth of July as an event coordinator. We'd finally be able to stop oohing and aahing at a few sparklers and a firework that bursts into the shape of a cube and eating dried-out barbecue. This guy would light up the sky and cook a hell of a corndog while he was at it.

Via Demons, the Gods of Hell, Delirium's