Thuggee Cult Members Outraged over Rerelease of Indiana Jones Movie.....

Lakhnauti, India-The secret network of Indian bandits and murderers known as the Thuggee have condemned the rerelease of the 1984 film "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" as crude, anti-cult propaganda that makes a mockery of their history, and are demanding that the movie be banned from Indian screens.

"Our portrayal in this movie is an outrage," Thuggee leader Rola Mam explained during a press conference held today in Pankot Palace. "We are simple folk, eeking out a living by befriending naive travellers and strangling them with our scarves. Even the thought of enslaving children to aid us in our quest for world domination is preposterous. May they all suffer the sleep of Kali Ma!"

Mam is considering pursuing legal action to put a halt to the film's rerelease, citing severe emotional and psychological trauma as well as loss of income as motivating factors. A statement from cult psychiatrist Mort Fishman reveals that Mam has been diagnosed with both clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. "He basically feels like the heart has been plucked from his very chest. Sure he'll take part in a dangerous mine car chase when the need arises, but the joy is gone."