Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population

CAIRO—As the sun sets over Cairo and the revolution continues to rage, the streets are eerily quiet. Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt's indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate. If nothing is done, experts say, the Egyptian mummy will soon go the way of the Bavarian lycanthrope or the Transylvanian vampire, and vanish forever.
Enlarge ImageThe majestic monsters once roamed freely across the Valley of the Kings.

Japanese Leaders Say Radioactive Waste May Have Contributed To Creation Of Giant Monsters

TOKYO—Japanese prime minister Ryutaro Hashimoto announced Tuesday that radioactive waste recently discovered in Japan's Nihon prefecture may have contributed to the development of kaiju—translated as "strange, mysterious beast-animal supernatural giant warrior-monsters"—whose many battles have wreaked havoc throughout the Western world and Japan since the late 1950s.
Enlarge ImagePrime Minister Hashimoto (center) holds an emergency meeting to discuss giant-monster containment strategies.
"We are still continuing our investigation into the source of these radioactive-waste deposits," Hashimoto said. "However, it does appear that there may be a link between this waste and such monsters as Gohidra and King Krusan, who have so often laid waste to our armies and urban areas."
Shortly after completing his statement, the prime minister pointed toward the sky and screamed, "Oh, no—it is Grogan!" before diving headfirst through a plate-glass window, narrowly escaping a 30-foot reptilian claw as it stomped through the roof of the Japanese Parliament, flattening the building.
Despite Hashimoto's acknowledgement of Japan's role in the birth of the monsters, other Japanese leaders denied responsibility, contending that the beasts existed long before the occurrence of any radiation leakage.